The transformation of me











{September 11, 2012}   You are good enough!

Hello friends,

I know, I know. It has been over a month since my last post. My friend had to ask me when I was going to post again.  Even though she asked I still felt unmotivated to write.  Well after church on Sunday, and after reading one of my friends post yesterday about some of her struggles I decided to post.  Just to let you guys know why I don’t post on a regular basis.  I have issues. There are to many to name right now but I will discuss a few.  One of my major problems is a lack of focus, this is the root of many of my other issues as well. You see, I have many ideas, I am a dreamer, and I have goals. There is so much that I want to do with my life, but because I lack focus there isn’t much that I have accomplished in my 33 years. I have started many new things, only to not finish them.  You see I want so much for myself and my family but because I have failed to finish the things that I have started I am afraid.  Now fear is crippling me and causing me to second guess what God has created me to do. Coming to the realization of this has caused  me to have several emotional break downs, as a matter of fact I have to stop typing every so often so that I can stop crying and regain my composure.  You see I am such a positive and motivating person. I can motivate friends, family and even complete strangers, but I just feel empty most of the time.  I feel like there is only one person that I can truly talk to about my short comings and that is because this person has NEVER made me feel like I was in adequate. Thank you Mom, for never judging and always showing love, you are awesome! I have to get out of this rut, I cannot let this consume me.  Feeling inadequate is one of my other issues.  I think that it stems back to my childhood, wanting the love of my father but never  truly having it because he loved drugs more than anything else in this world.  I loved him as much as any child loves their father but I was never good enough, and as I got older he made sure that I knew it.  I am really digging deep to unearth some deep rooted issues and it hurts SO bad to face the truth, I just can’t stop crying.  Enough with this pity party, I can’t let this send me into a depression.  Dealing with my problems is the first step to fixing them.

Thank you to my pastor who’s sermon this Sunday was ” You are good enough”.  Awesome message and service by the way.  So even though, I am my biggest critic I am determined to change, for my sake, and for my family sake.  I refuse to stay the same.  I know that I am destined to be great and I will be.  I am taking small steps to overcome my issues, and there is a grocery list full of them, but one at a time.  I would love for the world to see me as God made me but I won’t live my life to satisfy others.  

Motivation moment:

Know that you are good enough. You were wonderfully made and there is nothing that anyone can say or do to change that.  You are beautiful, you are smart, you are enough! There is nothing wrong with being you. Get healthy, and be happy with who you are on the inside, and those who truly matter will love that person as well. We can always be better, but do it because that’s what you want for yourself. Remember “you is smart, you is kind, you is important!”

Smooches!

 

 

 

Be beautiful inside and out.

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